(coffee shop, rainy day)
words cross air, repetitive like bricks, as a man in an orange fleece jacket tries to speak over the racket of blenders, ice, various unknown others. his tennis shoes do not intrigue me, sporting their own announcement. Nike and I complete it, Just do it. clearing away newspapers, books--all those novels: Kings, Grishams, Roberts--I set out a soft notebook. black dragon oolong tea, with a distinctive aroma that tea drinkers from around the world can recognize. "Just a green tea" she asks, and a toddler in a blue cap waddles under the table. the grey backdrop to the trees. I walk through miniscule droplets, brings up a memory where I sit at my kitchen table with lights off, staring into rain: gutter-spout gushes and occasional light-flashes, the silencing blanketed onto us: thunder and water, thunder and water.
Kris,
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely entry, with a lot of detailed imagery. The tennis shoes and the mentally completed logo adds depth to the environment, as does the description of the mother and toddler. I like the specificity of the black dragon oolong tea, and here I think it would be good to have a description of what the distinctive smell is like. There is an opportunity there to move past a literal description and into something more exploratory like we have seen in some of the poets we’ve read this semester. Something along the lines of ‘with the aroma of wet days and good books’. I know that isn’t fantastic writing, but it should serve to illuminate what I’m getting at. I also like the transition from the drops in the coffee shop to the memory of the thunderstorm. The description is nicely done and I think the repetition at the end should make its way into future drafts.