Response to Elizabeth Wood's Spring Break Improv.
Elizabeth,
I love the idea of list poems, and I like how you followed Albergotti's form and simply changed the topic of the list. Your list seems to contain a much higher percentage of long phrases. It would add more interest and texture to play with clipped phrases too, and even more one-worded ones like "admiration." Lines I am not sold with include "the growing power of godesses' smiles" and "Chinese food lunches of laughter." The first is too impersonal and vague for this piece, whereas the second is awkwardly phrased. "Early morning phone calls", "hot tea with honey", and "wailing women singers" do a better job with particularity and interest. I suggest branching out even more than you have, modeling this piece closer to Albergotti's poem (which ranges from fine beer to white shirts, olives, walnut speakers, to cold fingers).
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