Response to Pauline's Improv., Week 6
Pauline,
(I love this exercise, it's great fun). Anyway, I think it is a great tie-together using "three" in both the first and last lines, and interesting that you first chose to replace "nine" simply with a different number. The phrase, "redundant baby-boomer" is really a mouthful, and the first few times I read it out loud I tripped over it. I haven't decided whether I like that (the sounds together do form a bouncy, staccato effect), or not (it was somewhat distracting). I also think that your use of the verb "click-clack" is rhythmic and surprising. I noticed that a few of the piece's middle lines slant rhyme (sage/places, night/type); this is something I definitely think you could focus on and extend through the next revision.
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