The Neighbor -Kate Northrop
Now it's their daughter
laughing with a boy who calls from the window
something precise and obscure
to two men crossing the park,
carrying large instruments
in dark cases.
Snow hangs over the city
and when one man stops, shifting his weight,
the other looks at the sky.
Then they walk on, past the fountain; they go
straight from the shadows of trees. Perhaps
they don't hear, or aren't worried by girls; perhaps
they couldn't care less, but I live here beside her
and I know that laughter made exactly of angles.
I know her face
and her eyes that are hollow,
smooth as a place where a rock has been.
Improvisation:
Now it's her turn
to yell at the men carrying coffins
too dark and sterile for names.
They cross the park,
laying down their cold cases in autos
lined for the living.
Their eyes tinge her tongue.
The car ferries its newly bound passenger
to a clay hole, held out of sun
by his mother's first arms.
Perhaps he heard as she yelled,
agreed, death founds life;
perhaps he lay wishing the solemn-hatted men
would throw the whole absurd box open,
dumping loose skin thick down earth. A tree
bloomed above would lean from his ground,
laying petals into his eyes
all while those still living
hastily brush ants off arms.
Kris,
ReplyDeleteYour improv emits a somber tone of anguish and death, a topic that might fall into the category of overuse; however, I think the speculation of the speaker about the dead man hoping that his body would be thrown into the ground uncontained provides a theme that could develop into something original. Certain lines captured me, like "too dark and sterile for names" and "autos / lined for the living." I'm not sure, though, about "a tree / bloomed above would lean from his ground, / laying petals into his eyes." Perhaps specifying what kind of tree and changing "his" to 'its' would help to make it sound more lifelike (no pun intended). Also, the line "all while those still living" seems to refer back to the "autos" due to the repetition of "living," so perhaps something different would work better there. I generally like what you have begun and think expanding on the dead man's wishes would be fun to explore.
Pauline