Response 1, Week 14

Response to Sydney's "Improv Week 14"

Sydney,
First off, I am always jealous of your language. It tends to be somewhat dense, but always very conscious, worked with, and image laden. I love the phrase "limb-like wrists" in reference to the oaks. A grammatical change needs made though, in that "oak's" should be "oaks'", otherwise the following agreements should be singular. I like the subtle repetitions such as "sweating, always feels like sweaters." This is a good techinique to drive the piece forward and create a coherency of style. I do suggest being careful with the density of language though. It's great to an extent, but at a certain point it starts getting in the way of comprehension. I get so sucked into the sounds and individual phrases and words that the wholeness of the piece is ambiguous. Overall, it is an interesting move away from Northrop's poem and a clearly talented draft