Response to Pauline's Week 12 Improv
Pauline,
Ambitious improvisation! You kept your rhymes well without sounding forced. You also pick up on Roethke's somewhat ambiguous narration style geared more towards sound than meaning. I do not agree with the choice of "yearn" as a repetitive verb. It is a strangely closed kind of sound that tends to blend with "I" and "my"; maybe this is mere opinion, but it got bothersome. The other refrain, "I live by trusting what I think is right," seems too straightforwardly teach-y. Also, I would avoid "Grim Reaper." It carries too many connotations to be simply thrown in. Otherwise, this is a great draft of a difficult task. Keep playing with sounds, just saying things out loud a few times over to better guide your changes.
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