"A single tethered horse,
stirrups glistening
with fallen snow."
-Yosa Buson
wintertime simplicity
and nighttime teeth
chewing through reigns, crisply whitened
like new found land and unstepped snow
tracks through snow
and hooves through crystals
glistening like plastic cheeks on the faces of mannequins
in a mall at Christmastime
dressed up like jockeys or football players
inspiring dreams of fulfilling the aims of capitalism
and forgetting the untrodden fluff of the forest
for the packed ice of a parking lot.
Great ability to expand upon a haiku; your piece really added a lot of interesting ideas from such a short piece of poetry. Try adding some different words in place of “snow” at the beginning of the poem, (or at least adding more space between the use of the word), as ending one line in the same way you end the line above it damages the flow of the piece. I liked the transition from horse reigns “mall mannequins... inspiring dreams”, as it takes the reader in a different direction and then ties back into the rest of the work in the end. Really nice overall job.
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