Response to Ben's Improv. 1, Week 3
It's interesting the elements you built off of from "Carson McCullers". Without borrowing any language, "Hemingway" instead imitates short lines and the theme of losing an accomplished writer. In contrast, your piece employs bulkier and more ambiguous language. I like the phrase "scatter canon wrapped in battered paws" for the language play; it's very fun to say.
I agree with Pauline about the last line lacking impact and second the suggestion of expanding the imagery in order to find somewhere else to go with it. Maybe you could begin generating more images by describing broad terms such as "legend" and "grace".
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