Response to Sydney's Improv. 1, Week 3
"Foggy-grey, funnel-cloud morning" creates a nice rhythm with twosyllable-one, twosyllable-one, twosyllable, with each of the - combinations starting with an f-word and moving to a double consonant beginning. Good phrase to keep. The dash within "under-neath" seems like a bit much, as if simply trying to keep up with a style. I don't disagree with any of the others. I love the visceral, somewhat creepy language used in describing the vaccuum. I also notice the use of "juggling" mentioned in chapter 5 of Writing Poetry. If you wanted to expand this or work out even more language, each of the competing themes (vaccuuming, scraping the finger, finding the diary) could be turned into a single-themed paragraph and afterwards recombined.
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